when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
