I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
