WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
