I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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