This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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