jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize