WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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