She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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