You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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