Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
