Sry I called you an 8
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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