if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
