Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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