i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
