i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's blow job season.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize