Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
