It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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