I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
A bitchslap is in order.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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