my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Do vagina's smell?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
