ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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