you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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