My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
