they need to just BURY HIM!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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