before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
