You can't motorboat a personality
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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