You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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