he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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