you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
