how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
