Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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