i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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