you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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