She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
