I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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