My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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