Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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