i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize