He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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