Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
