I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
