...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
