I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
