I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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