True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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