I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
