Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
