I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
