Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
