Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
