I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize