My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
