I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
