this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
