Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
