So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
