Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
