dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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