My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
FUCK WHALES
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
