he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize