It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
