When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
